How hot is it? – 10 fun ways to find out how hot it really is

Well, the dog days of summer are here, but even some dogs don’t believe it. Several of them came up to me and said, “Hey, what’s with the heat?” I don’t know. I don’t usually talk about the weather, unless there’s nothing else to talk about.

Have you ever been on the phone with someone for a while and suddenly they start talking about the weather? That’s a sure sign that your conversation is coming to an end. Sometimes it’s a blessing, because you’ve really had enough of hearing about this person’s gallbladder operation. So hearing the tornado rip your roof off is almost refreshing.

But it’s hot and this reminded me of a bit of classic comedy that Johnny Carson from The Tonight Show used to do. In his opening monologue, he would say something like, “Wow, it was cold today.” And the audience was yelling, almost in unison, “How cold was it?” And Johnny would smile, because he knew he got the audience to help him set up the prank on him. Then he’d come up with something like, “It was so cold outside I leaned against my car and ripped my pants.” Laughter ensued.

So with that in mind, and in honor of a comedy legend, here are ten responses Johnny might have responded to the audience if he had said, “Wow, is it hot out there?” And the audience would respond with, “How hot is it?” Then Johnny would say, “Why, it’s so hot…

1. Not only can you fry an egg on the sidewalk, but you can also toast the English muffin.

2. Your scent eaters have raised a white flag.

3. Amy Winehouse was seen drinking antifreeze.

4. The greyhound, on the side of the bus, is carrying a bottle of Gatorade.

5. At the beach, you can get sunburned underwater.

6. The onion rings under your arm are not from Burger King.

7. Fire ants carry personal fans.

8. Your GPS keeps telling you to drive to Canada.

9. A-Rod stopped being in love with Madonna and started dating the man with a good mood.

10. The hardware store is selling thermometers with readings for Fahrenheit, Celsius, and Holy Crap!”

No matter how you spell it, the heat is on (Glen Frey 1985). So, thanks, Johnny, for all the laughs. You are sorely missed.