Sex, lies and the narcissistic personality

Recognizing, for the first time, that your longtime lover has a narcissistic personality can be a devastating discovery. For many, the shock never wears off, lingering long after the narcissist has done the usual Devalue and Discard and disappeared to find other sources of supply. It often takes years before the “good” partner finally begins to dig into the research necessary to validate and label the other partner’s questionable behaviors. With so much time invested in a relationship, it’s hard to accept that the love you thought you shared with someone was, in fact, a fake, but the truth is, with a narcissistic partner, a fake is all it can be.

Someone with a narcissistic personality is very adept at getting exactly what they want out of a relationship, even if it has to bleed the other person dry. Sex, lies, and passive-aggressive manipulation are the three most powerful strategies in the narcissist’s arsenal of emotional weapons, and they will use each one to prove just how expert a shot they really are. Having narcissistic personality disorder means constantly having to search and search for new and better means of supply to fulfill your relationship agenda. Since a narcissist is incapable of remorse, guilt, or any form of empathy, the fact that the primary source of supply (i.e., the love partner) must often be destroyed and resurrected over and over again doesn’t matter. The more the “good” partner suffers, the more alive the messy partner feels, and he goes round and round.

The main point to remember about a partner with this disorder is that they can never fix each other, and they don’t care either. Narcissists like them just the way they are. They will withdraw from their families and loved ones when they least expect it and act as if these loyal people never existed. Often a narcissist will disappear for weeks and even months or longer, only to reappear as if nothing ever happened. In essence, they manage to lower the victim’s expectations to the point that the narcissist can come and go as they please without repercussions. It is nothing less than severe emotional manipulation and abuse by no other terms.

Narcissism, unfortunately, has become an epidemic in today’s social media lifestyles. These predators enjoy hunting online dating where they can wear the mask a little longer and snag the most vulnerable. Learning to recognize the signs and behaviors of the narcissistic personality can prevent the abuse from starting or give you the confidence to get out of the game for good and permanently.