Intercultural marriages: when tradition interferes with happiness

Nowadays intercultural marriages are very common. Thanks to the Internet, student exchanges, business trips, expatriations, etc… more and more people have the opportunity to meet and share their set of values ​​and beliefs. The Internet has become a worldwide marriage agency. Unfortunately, finding a place in the “significant other’s” culture and traditions can be tricky and not always easy to deal with.

Nevertheless; goals, values, vision, attitude, love and strong communication systems are the main keys to finding your “happily ever after” ending. Considering that it’s not what you say, but how you say it, you’re off to a great start.

How could you deal with the particular situation you are facing now? Is there a way to get out of this without destroying your partner or your already fragile relationship?

The answer is: of course there is!

The fact that you are reading this article shows that you are looking for a solution, otherwise you would be searching on a lawyer or dating website, right?

Looking for and focusing on solutions, rather than having your problems in mind, is a great starting point. The first step towards success is the will and desire to work as a team.

Now, let’s get down to business:

• What were the common points that first united them?
• What are those things that you both enjoyed doing?
• From 1 to 10, what is your level of commitment to your relationship? (1 being very low and 10 being very high)
• What are they willing to do/try (or give up) to keep what they have?
• Are you in love with your partner or with the idea of ​​living together and having a partner?
• Do you have any idea what triggers the conflict between you two?
• In those aspects of your life where the tension is very high, what is the middle ground in which both can be comfortable?

Let these questions settle first and take a few minutes to think about them more deeply.

Once you have found the answer to these questions, start planning your new “couple rescue mission”. It doesn’t matter how fantastic it may sound right now, as long as you’re happy and willing to commit to it. It may also be a good time to set new goals for you as a couple, for example: traveling to an exotic place you’re both happy to visit, renovating something around the house, meeting new people, playing a sport together, finding “self-time”. ” for you as a couple or individually, etc… Please note that goals are supposed to be set in the future, and the past is only allowed for reference at this time, – only if it will bring positive results –

You want to reshape your situation, not erase it!

In the beginning, you jumped into your current relationship aware of certain facts that made you different, despite that, you decided to go ahead and succeed. Why? Because you were determined to make it work, you had a vision and a desire to conquer love and create something that seemed special at the time. You were excited about everything that made that special person who they were.

Now, use the same determination to erase/set aside those “cultural discomforts” and reshape them into points of engagement where both are satisfied without removing their roots.

Keep in mind that all this “remodeling” will take a lot of patience and understanding, good communication, and a gigantic mountain of love. It is not a battle for good or evil, your other half is your partner, not your opponent.

Both are working to reshape a better and brighter future. Take your time to implement every detail and just enjoy the process, I guarantee it will pay off at the speed you expect. Use the best of each world to make a unique place for you.

Each couple is different from another, so avoid comparing yourself, you are unique. A little advice: for now, get together with other couples who help you strengthen your relationship, people who encourage you and who do not take sides with either of you.

Go back to your dating times as a couple and start enjoying the simple things that life has to offer. (Candlelight dinner, walks, bike rides, picnics, outdoor activities, movies, etc.) Be creative and resourceful.

Be open in communicating your feelings and how situations make you feel. Situations, not your partner.

Make a written list of those things that you think are especially difficult for you as a couple, talk about the points -without going into details-, decide which is the easiest to solve and focus only on that, once solved, move on. to the next point and so on. There is no time limit between each point. Are these points or some of them limited to you as a unit or the consequence of an outside influence? (parents, siblings, related to the place, friends, work…)

Work first on those topics that relate exclusively to you as a couple before moving on to those that involve third parties.

Keep in mind the basic rule: your limits + your limits – your gray area = commitment

Enjoy this challenge, it is a new adventure full of wonderful surprises, since you will rediscover yourself and your partner while you work and settle into this new stage of life.