The art of unbuttoning the bra
Has this happened to you?
You meet a girl, hit it off, and within an hour or two you have her moaning shamelessly as you kiss her neck and try to figure out how to unhook her bra.
Next scene: She walks out the door and you stare into space, mentally kicking yourself for failing at what clearly seems to be a problem among the male population: difficulty unhooking your girl’s bra.
In the past, I’ve struggled and kicked myself for being so clumsy, but with a little research and a lot of practice, I’ve been breaking and unhooking those bras ever since with very little failure rate. Although it would be great if she ripped off her clothes (bra included), more often than not, it’s you, yes, you the man, who has to free her from his traps.
But first, you have to meet the enemy: the bra.
What the hell is that gadget that has made your life hell?
According to the great resource, WIKIPEDIA, the Bra or bra, “is a garment that covers, supports and raises the breasts.” It evolved from the corset (I respect the men of the Middle Ages who had to deal with the corset!), and is mostly worn as underwear unless you’re Madonna, who made bras out of cones.
Flip through a Victoria’s Secret catalog and you’ll be surprised at the types of bras that appear on the pages, but no matter how padded or low-cut they are, or how hot Adriana Lima is, it all seems trivial in the case at hand: yes or not the closure is in the front or in the back.
The front snaps are easy enough to remove, even the ladies will agree, but the process is awkward as it will be obvious to the lady in front of you that you want something under your shirt (note to self: make sure she has given ALL the signs that she wants some action too)
Now the back zipper, that’s a different story altogether.
Two Ways to Unhook a Bra
There are two ways to unhook a bra: the two-hand method and the ever-popular, but difficult-to-master, one-hand method.
The two-handed method
With your left hand, grab the side of the eyes (where the hooks are hooked), and with your right hand, grab the other side – the hook. Bring both ends together to loosen the hooks, and then rotate your right hand (still holding the hooks) about 45 degrees, and voila, your bra is undone.
The one hand method
Many have tried, but only a few succeed (judging by the amount of material available on the Internet). The One-Handed Method requires practice, dexterity of the hands, and a thorough knowledge of what’s under your shirt. No amount of blah blah can substitute for the real thing, so here’s a video for you to learn.
Some tips when unhooking your bra:
* Make sure she has given you signals that she wants you to remove her bra. If she doesn’t show resistance when you brush or touch her breasts while she’s still wearing her top (at least twice), there’s a good chance she’ll let you take off her bra.
* Women are victims of their own traps: they also have a hard time getting their bras on or off, so if you fail the first time, don’t give up hope. Distract her by kissing her ears or biting her neck and start over.
* Practice with a friend, preferably a girl. Practice on a chair, a single sofa, on a teddy bear. Like all other skills, practice makes perfect.
* No means no. If she resists when you first try to unhook her bra, stop and continue to distract her. If after a while you try to do it again and she still resists, then by all means stop. After all, it may not be your lucky night.
* Make her WANT to do it.
There is nothing sadder in the world than seeing a guy trying to undo a girl’s bra. Don’t you envy those who have accessed the goods trapped under those bras and have been doing this to a hundred bra-wearing women ever since? (some don’t wear bras) If women can practice with popsicle sticks to give you the best head of your life, then you should be able to return the favor and snap those hooks in seconds.
Practice, practice, practice, and you may be on your way to perfecting the art of unhooking a bra.