Father’s Wounds: Can it be difficult for a boy to become a man if his father was abusive?

For a boy to not only become a man, but to act like one, it will be essential that he receives the proper care and guidance. For this to take place, both her mother and her father will play an important role.

His mother will give him the care he needs to develop emotionally and his father will give him the guidance he needs to feel capable and believe in himself. There is much more to these two roles, but this is the general gist of what each parent will do.

An example

The boy will identify with his father, with his father serving as his first external representation of what it means to be a man. By identifying with him, you will allow the child to experience an inner sense of strength and an idea of ​​how he should behave.

Over the years, he will create his own identity, and this will mean that he is no longer so attached to the image of his father. Still, what he internalized very early on, in relation to his father, will have provided the foundation he needed.

A natural transition

Thanks to his mother’s love and father’s support and the fact that he has been such a good role model, there should be no reason for him to resist the process of going from boy to man. Since this is a process, it’s not going to be a one-time thing.

A small part of him may want to hold on to being a child, but a large part of him will allow himself to move on to the next stage of his life. Being responsible, taking action, continuing to individualize and define yourself, and being of service, among other things, is likely to be his focus.

A lot in common

If you were to take a step back and think about what your father is like, you could see that you have a lot in common with him. He could be thankful that his father provided him with a healthy model of what it means to be a man.

So even though you may have some insecurities, you may find that you are comfortable being a man and have a healthy relationship with your masculine aspect. It is also likely that he has a healthy relationship with the female aspect of him because of how his mother was.

a lucky position

It could be said that he will be one of the “lucky ones” as not all men will be able to relate to his experience. For these men, their early experiences will have had a big effect on why they will look like men but not feel like men.

This may be something that some of them are aware of, and for others, it may be something that is just outside of their awareness. Either way, what you experienced early on will still have an effect on your life, regardless of whether or not you are aware of it.

back in time

So if a man looks like a man but doesn’t feel like one, it could show that, during his formative years, his father didn’t provide him with a healthy model of what it means to be a man. Instead of seeing his father as someone he wanted to emulate, it is possible that he repelled his father’s behavior.

Now, this does not mean that he had not identified with him; no, what it means is that he would not have allowed this to happen entirely. Not being able to fully identify with his father, he may not have been able to develop a strong identity.

left in limbo

In order to develop an identity, he may have ended up identifying more with his mother. This may have meant that she ended up developing a very strong connection with the feminine aspect of her but more or less rejected the masculine aspect of her.

On the other hand, he may not have fully identified with either parent, which may have meant that he felt lost and did not know who he was. He may have felt like a non-entity and was unable to truly express himself.

fast forward

Many years will have passed since he was a child, but he will still lack a strong sense of self and be unable to embrace his masculine power, and perhaps even his feminine power. You may find it difficult for him to take action, to be responsible, to be of service, and as far as going through the process of individuation and defining himself, that might be the last thing on his mind.

When you think about assuming your power and being a man, you can think about what your father was like and experience a lot of resistance. Perhaps his father was controlled by his own masculinity and, as a result of this, he was aggressive and violent.

draw the line

In order for him to embrace his own masculinity and allow himself to become a man in more than name, it will be essential for him to realize that his father provided him with a negative model of what it means to be a man and that this is not the only one. way of behaving a man. Another part of this will be him working through the emotional wounds that he probably has from his earliest years.

By changing her view of what it means to be a man, and finding positive male role models who can help with this, and heal her emotional wounds, she will gradually be able to separate mentally and emotionally from her father. This will allow you to connect with his true self and be his own man.

Awareness
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If a man can relate to this and is ready to turn his life around, he may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.